I'd Rather Be Doing This

ain't i funny

Following the links from a piece of mail in my inbox, I came upon a post on Gawker - a trying to be snarky/relevant response to a response to a response to Christopher Hitchens’ article entitled "Why Women Aren't Funny”. First of all, who is Christopher Hitchens, why are people still reading Vanity Fair and why is anyone dignifying his article with any type of response? Who cares how men, in general, supposedly feel about female comics? Personally, I can’t say that it has any affect on me and what I am doing, nor should anyone allow it to affect what they are doing in the business.

I have been performing stand up in one capacity or another for about five years in New York City. It has been a long slow road but I feel that things are beginning to pay off. I have managed to graduate from doing bringers, to getting booked and have even gotten to produce and MC some great shows. I feel I am earning the respect of my peers and treating my material and audiences right. So far, I have gotten out of comedy what I have put into it and I don’t think growing a pair would have gotten me any further. On the contrary, I think it might have hurt my performance as I tried to squeeze by on the fact that most of the audience were like me- this is assuming I was both male and white – and just get up there sans punch line or originality and do what many others are doing namely being white and male and complaining.

What I think actually hurts women starting out in comedy is the fact that female and female friendly audiences are scared away by what can be seen in most clubs on any given night. Why would a woman or anyone who likes women want to pay upwards of $15 (not including the required drink minimum) to sit through an hour and half of “my nonexistent girlfriend is a bitch”, “all women are bitches (because none of them will sleep with me), “I can’t get a bitch”, “can you bitches tell how deep in the closet I am, bitch?” and the ever popular “bitches bitch bitching bitch” from a man who more often than not looks like he habitually sleeps in his clothing?

I once left a show at Caroline’s when the headliner started complaining about how his girlfriend wanted to spend too much time with him AND even have conversations with him. At first it was somewhat funny and then it became clear that he was just another misogynist and that there was probably no girlfriend; he just wanted to complain about women for the few cheap laughs he got. Why would a female comic want to go on stage after that kind of crap? Why should she have to? We should set up a dating service for these guys just so they can get some new premises. If you can’t understand how this creates and uncomfortable situation just replace the word bitch with “nigger’ or “faggot” the word women with African-Americans or homosexuals. It’s a hostile environment, not really what I am looking for when I go to see a comedy show. When I first started doing bringers I had plenty of girlfriends come to shows – ONCE. I got them back when I started doing all female shows. A lot of club owners and bookers assume that female comics won’t bring in a crowd. Maybe a single female comic won’t pack the , because of the phenomenon cited earlier, but a bunch will.

Another obstacle for female comedy fans is the club atmosphere. Remember, women have higher expectations for going out. We tend not to like bathrooms that resemble outhouses and bars that resemble frat houses. I once worked at a club whose women’s facilities were missing both a floor and a toilet seat and you had to share your drink with a water bug. This does not inspire repeat business. If you clean it, they will come. And when they do come they will order mixed drinks and eat if you can offer an option that does not look like it belongs at a street food vendor’s cart (can you hear the sound of the cash register). But, by all means if you don’t want the scratch keep it a boy’s club.

Another interesting aspect of this “women aren’t funny thing” is race. I would love Mr. Hitchen’s to put his views in Essence and see how far that got. I think the majority of the responses would begin with “who”. I have never gotten the feeling from the white male comics that I have worked with that we, black female comics, were not funny. Maybe it’s because they see us as no competition because we are supposedly going for a different audience or maybe we don’t look like all those girls in high school who wouldn’t sleep with them or because they think saying it would be somehow racist. But, I hope this is due to the way black female comics take a no holds barred approach to their audiences and assume coming on stage that there is a commonality- being that we are all human despite how we behave. We believe, no, we know we are funny – just like we know we are cute - and no one else is going to tell us different.

hate.com

A friend, who knows I love good satire above most else, sent me a link to a blog called stuffwhitepeoplelike. It was hilarious, almost as hilarious as the comments the postings elicited. First of all I was shocked to learn that so many people were unable to recognize the blog as satire. One would think that the title would be a tip off. Secondly, why are so many self identified white people concerned about how they are viewed as a group ostensibly by other white people (aren’t white people the audience) and why can’t they take a joke? With all the relative power that Americans calling themselves white have enjoyed in the history of this country is there any chance that this blog will bring them down with some well penned observations? Apparently so. Or perhaps they feel that unlike every other group in this country they should not be the butt of jokes, even if they are their own. What cheek! I liked the comments of those attempting to disassociate themselves from the posts claiming that the site was not about their type of white person but really the other type...

Personally, I would love to see a similar website about African-Americans executed in such a manner. Although I may be alone in that because I see little evidence that we as a whole are ready for some much needed self criticism and self examination wrapped in a hard sardonic shell.

I followed a few of the posted comments back to their sources to find out just what sorts of people were offended by the site. One of the sites, a re-reporting site, was particularly disturbing. The author in addition to being an overt racist and a poor writer is a coward; he does not identify himself on the site. His posts are limited to retelling news events that show black people in a particularly harsh manner. For example one item features a story about a black mother who beat her infant to death for soiling his diaper. He pegs the site as

“a political and social commentary blog which may include some conservative content not suitable for everyone: especially not liberal blacks and jews — Phhht!”

I am not sure what “Phhht” is supposed to mean, perhaps it is the sound of the air seeping out of his fatuous head and I am unclear as to why “liberal blacks and jews” have been singled out as people who might be offended by this guy’s shtick. Apparently Black conservatives like James McWhorter and Condoleezza Rice (still Black) and Christians, Muslims and those of Eastern faiths might enjoy a story like the timely “Nigger Parenting 101 - Death for Poop!- I know I did.

But not to be outdone, there are even more ignorant people than Mr. closet racist. A look at the comments on his site takes one even further into the world of hate.com. There are actually people who agree with this loon and are willing to put in writing. This freak, iranianforaryans.blogspot.com, also too much of a coward to identify himself has similar blogs targeting Jews and Latinos. Judging from his posts, he is a racist struggling to understand why people don’t want to give him or his cohorts an outlet for fomenting hatred. Go figure? Luckily he can foment for free online and you can email him from his site if you want to tell him how the evil Jews stopped you from getting that Malibu Barbie for Xmas when they killed Jesus.

At the end of the day it doesn’t matter what these poor deluded self loathing wanna-be miscreants think, but it sure is amusing to ponder their efforts from the comfort of my apartment snuggled up next to my white husband in our predominantly Jewish community and know that they will never be successful.

and now for something completely different

I have been oh so busy this past 6 weeks helping with the launch of mainstreet.com that all my creative juices have ceased to flow. So, instead of some snarky (is that what the young folk call it?) commentary, I offer this photo of me with BD Wong from Law & Order. I met him at a Tupperware promo party held at the 40/40 club and thrown by Ice-T. That's right Ice-T. He did say that Tupperware was "gangsta". I don't disagree.

I'se 'Cept Yo 'Pology

208 years after New Jersey passes its gradual emancipation law New Jersey lawmakers are considering giving a formal apology to African Americans for the state's role in the institution of slavery.

I’se say, “No, prah-blem ole massa. I’s gonna accep’ yo ‘pology.”

Well it’s about time. It looks like things are finally turning around for us African Americans. Just last year the NAACP held funeral rites for the dreaded N word and black women even got an apology from pickled shock jock Don Imus. No one can overlook the serious ramification of those crucial political actions.

Perhaps once New Jersey apologizes, following the lead of Southern states like Maryland and Mississippi (both bastions of racial harmony and fiscal, political and social equality) New Jersey blacks and whites[1] can begin to live in racial harmony the way they were meant to. I know Trenton can’t wait.

I am going to keep my ears glues to the radio to hear if they make an affirmative vote to apologize. Once the intent to apologize has been issue we united African Americans can contact our appointed leader, Al Sharpton, and ask him to make himself available to accept the apology. If he is too busy getting his perm touched up or attending to constituents I understand that both Salt and Pepa of the eponymous female rap duo both live in Short Hills. They haven’t been busy lately and might do the honors. Frankly, they need the work.

I am glad and I know that the taxpayers of the state of New Jersey are also glad that their lawmakers are using the time for which they are handsomely paid debating such important matters and not whiling the time away with the coming budgetary, educational and healthcare crises. At very least, post-apology the NJ state government can begin to unravel the web of welfare and affirmative action programs oppressing the black community as they will no longer be relevant. Words and gestures are better more comforting and much more fiscally prudent. Perhaps when they have finished healing all wounds within the Black community they can begin to make amends with Native Americans perhaps let them open a few casinos.

One can dream.

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[1] By whites I mean authentic whites, you know - Anglo Saxons. By the way,others (Asians, Latinos, Mediterranean, Slavic types etc.) probably weren’t on the scene yet and so can continue to hate on blacks without apology. Good news.

LIVE UPTOWN!
(way, way uptown)
Monday January 7^t, 2008 7pm

An Beal Bocht Café
445 W 238^th St.
No Cover. No Minimum.

Hosted by Jacquetta Szathmari with
Emmy Rivera
Emily Epstein
Clea Wilson
Rich Shultis
April Brucker
Ken Perlstein
& Headliner Sassi Keegan

Jacquetta Szathmari and Sassi Keegan bring the funny uptown - to Riverdale. Yes, the train goes there. So get out your metrocard and come find out why it is funnier in the Bronx!

Directions

#1 to 238^th street. Walk west 2 blocks and up several flights of stair. The bar is at the top of the stairs on the north side of the street.

A train to 207^th st. Take the #7 bus (Riverdale) heading north. Exit at 238^th and Riverdale avenue. Walk 2 blocks east on 238^th st. The bar is on the north side of the street. Note: a black cab from 207^th is about $8-10. You can haggle.

Marathon Music

The end of the year means TV marathons. So far this holiday season I have subjected my brain to far more than the recommended dose of, the Met RX Strongest Man in the World Competition Highlights (go Pudzianowski !), the Deadliest Catch.. As much as I love the rare sight of watching men do manly stuff without harming or oppressing I couldn’t make it through more than a few episodes of either show because of the recent inclusion of foux hard core/ faux metal soundtracks. There is no more incongruous accompaniment to a man pulling up a trap full of Alaskan crabs while dodging a rogue wave in the Bering Sea than a “song” by Korn that sounds like it should be on the soundtrack of the sequel to The Crow. I should be listening to the roar of the ocean. Isn’t that why I have surround sound? Can’t I have a moment’s peace without being assaulted by bands whose man idea of antidisestablishmentarianism is to reverse the letters in their names and wear clown makeup while complaining about either sex or freedom or sexual freedom? I found the answer was no when I switched over to the Met RX competition for relief only to find that they were attempting to flog a soundtrack between events. When I am watching a 700 pound Swede fling ten 50 lb kegs over a fourteen foot high steel wall or his Norwegian counterpart pull a Mac truck with a shoulder harness the last thing I want is a Mastodon tune blaring in my ears. I don’t want a Hatebreed power ballad either. I want to hear the crowd cheering. If I can’t have that at and there must be electric guitars and angst can I at least get some Minor Threat, Metallica, Henry Rollins, or Steve Vai? I guess I am getting old.