Ad Parade

I watched the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade out of morbid curiosity. I didn’t want to miss seeing a rabid Pokemon Pikachu break free from the ropes of oppression and crush unsuspecting onlookers. I have never enjoyed parades, they have always seemed militaristic to me. I am frightened by masses of people simultaneously enacting choreographed precision movements. The Rockettes give me the creeps. I imagine that they are drugged or at least hypnotized and once the music stops they will open up on the placated crowd with semi automatic UN issue weaponry smuggled in from the East.

At this year’s parade the constant barrage of corporate sponsorship was more frightening than the robotic cheerleading and the marching Tuba band. Each float seemed to be accompanied with either a lip-synching corporate shill or corporate shill commentary. I only had the tube on for about 15 minutes and I think I was implored to buy or at least think about a dozen different brands before I turned the damn thing off.

Sarah McLachlan, who I stopped listening to once I got over teenage angst, was paying the bills by warbling the sad theme song from a remake of Charlotte’s Web. When did Hollywood start remaking cartoons? Barry Manilow was lip synching something formulaic and iconic on a float that was celebrating so many things that I couldn’t even figure it out. I guess the theme of that one was “flamboyance”. A healthy and heavily taxpayer subsidized Mr. Potato, sponsored by the spud council head told us all to consume more carbs than necessary while on the sidelines parade hosts made thinly veiled pitches for sponsors.

-Wow! Here comes Snoopy a Macy’s Parade favorite.

-I don’t see him anywhere.

-You might not be able to see him yet but I know he’s coming because he texted me on his new Razor phone available at Wal-mart at the low, low price of $129, plan included.

-That’s amazing!

-Here comes Ecko’s float titled Expedition to Mount Ecko.

-Did you know that Rhino’s might be an endangered species?

-Yeah they are pretty hard to find. But not as hard to find as am LG plasma TV.

-Better run out and get one now before they are all gone.

I am going to run out and get a subscription to Adbusters, use CM skip on the DVR as much as I can and try recover.

So Sorry

http://us.video.aol.com/video.index.adp?mode=1&pmmsid=1772645
I was sent this link of both “Kramer’s” tirade and his apology.

Well that was the worst apology I have ever seen. It was as bad as the apology my fourth grade teacher made me give after I told Jenny “Look it isn’t personal, I just don’t like you.” And it was just as disingenuous. I didn’t like Jenny and I knew it was wrong but when pressed- and she did press the question that morning on the jungle gym- I came out with the truth. When she tattled I had to come up with something or risk exposure to my peers- Mrs. Dorsey’s home room class. I feared that with this proof people could confirm that I was a bad person and my elementary school career would be ruined. I couldn’t have that, I was a great student, I was in the glee club, I had perfect afro-puffs. So I lied. I wrung my hands, grimaced and made the appearance of an apology. I hoped that the sordid details of the incident would not get back to my mother. It worked. I skated by and everything was fine until the guilt of the insult set in. My reasons for not liking her were cursory. She was new to town, had weird grey colored eyes and dressed like an extra on Little House and the Prairie. She probably had a “funny” accent which in my town meant she spoke at a normal speed and didn’t add guttural Rs to every syllable. I don’t think she made a single friend and by the end of the semester she was gone from the school and from memory. Her parent’s company had probably moved them on to another piss ant rural town. Lucky Jenny.

Maybe it is too harsh to say that the Kramer apology was disingenuous. I do believe that he was truly sorry about dropping N bombs- out loud, on camera and in from of actual Ns. That is as much as I can give him. He probably made a lot of white liberals and liberal media types very uncomfortable especially with that “50 years ago… fork up the ass” comment. Nobody likes a Jim Crow reference as a punchline, no matter how truthful or well constructed. We, black folk, are unfortunately used to hearing people “accidentally” call us Ns. Whenever I hear it I try to remind the speaker that they should always check the room first and then, unless they are at one of their Klan rallies or a Bush cabinet meeting, they should only whisper the forbidden word the same way people whisper the word “black”. You never know when one of us sneaky Sambos is lurking around trying to entrap a man. The last thing you want is black people finding out that you hate them, its passé. How about instead of speaking racism each practicing racist could wear a pin showing their true colors. The pin should be recognizable, how about picture of a watermelon slice with a giant X over it or just a swastika. I like to know who I am dealing with. There is nothing more embarrassing than being nice to a person and even admiring them only to find out that they consider you to be a mere 3/5^th of a person. I can ruin one’s day, to say the least.

But really, is any of this worth all the media attention it is getting? What he did was not illegal, just offensive and foolhardy. After all what will happen to Kramer? Nothing. Maybe he won’t be able to do stand up again, but it looked like it was not going so well anyway. Perhaps he won’t get cast in another post-Seinfeld TV show that gets cancelled before anyone even hears of it. He’ll just to live in shame with his millions and wait for America’s short attention span to purge his outburst from its collective memory. In the meantime he can look forward to suspecting that there is urine in his soup, waiting hours for the valet and generally avoiding the public.

Charity Shops

Dear readers,

What a time this has been. I have been fighting the technological powers that be since I announced that I was back on the blog scene. Apparently, some of them must have heard this, took exception to it and then set their respective viruses upon me.

Now, I am an avid reader of the Wall Street Journal. I enjoy the literary style and the honesty of view point. The paper is conservative and makes no bones about it and I like to know what the enemy is thinking. However, even though I realize that the paper is represents a certain homogenous constituency with a very narrow point of view colored by a powerful lust for money and an almost Dickensian villain-like selfishness there are times when sections of the writing goes entirely too far to the right. One piece in particular, “Shopping for the Poor” in the Review an Outlook section, went so far to the right that it actually went past conservative hailed a cab and directed it past “compassionate” conservatism and neo-conservatism.

I try to skip over articles that are not reports or reviews but I was attracted to “Shopping” because it mentioned Project RED. Due to technical difficulties, I was late to the party in verbally assaulting Bono’s newest campaign to fight AIDS in Africa. I have my own ideas about the effectiveness of high profile charities and, when I can, I support organizations that I feel actually serve their mission. When I give I ask for nothing in return. In fact I would like those to whom I give to stop wasting money on endless slick mailings on non-recyclable clay paper, address labels, galas, magnets, CDs, mugs or any other thank you gift. I am not donating money to indirectly support the firms that make any of these items. The greatest thanks a charity can give me is to carry out the work which I support. They can list my name or publish progress reports and appeals via email or on a website. Better yet, put all that info in a blog. Blogs are free.

I loathe the type of fundraiser whereby a portion of the proceeds goes towards saving/helping the –fill in the- nationality, malady or social ill. How about simply the proceeds- all of them- go towards the goal.

Enter project RED.

According the article, Project RED “recruits companies- Apple and Armani- among others- to sell specially branded RED versions of their products. Consumers are told that a portion of the proceeds will be used to fight AIDS in Africa.” Selfless. Since one of the companies involved is the Gap, sweatshop sponsor and environmental polluter the “developing” world over, it seems that the profit of one evil will assist in the combat another while reaping a nice profit and an equally nice write off for corporate participants. What more could a company ask for? Even better, they can get a slew of celebrities- I hope some of the same ones who are claiming that they are African too - to shill for their product, I mean their charity. All I have to do is follow Beyonce’s instructions to support AIDS eradication and buy a t-shirt or a Motorola phone, or a pair of Converse. The idea that conspicuous consumption of luxury goods- not one of the sponsors manufacturers needs rather than wants- can be an act of charity highlights so many issues in our societal mindset that a liberals arts student could waste, I mean, devote a whole independent study to it. I think that it is tragic, and I have to agree with Toronto Star’s Jennifer Wells opinion that “They just don't need to sell us stuff in order to do good. They can behave like the rest of us: cut a cheque. And make it a big one.”

But cutting a check, Ms. Wells, does not involve a media blitz with celebrity appearances and tons and tons of feel good PR. On the website http://www.joinred.com/, the words “Africa” and “AIDS” are hard to find. After all, who wants to think about the dark diseased continent while shopping for Emporio Armani goods? Sign up and they will send you product updates on what to buy, I mean, on how to fight AIDS. You get the idea. Maybe I am too cynical or perhaps as the author of “Shopping” asserts, I am of the elitist “mindset, which assumes that the only good charity is the kind that requires sacrifice”. I thought charity was about sacrifice and altruism, you know, not asking for anything in return save a warm fuzzy feeling. I guess I am old fashioned. The next time I go out and give I am going to make damn sure that I, and faceless corporate entities, get something in return. Why should the poor, the undernourished, the disease stricken, the homeless, refugees and orphans be the only ones to benefit from my largesse. Don’t I deserve something too? I should at least get an Ipod.

The Nightmare is Over

Finally, I got my computer back from HP re-refurbished. So, I am back on the menu.