My Big Fat Black Comedy

Now I think we all agree that there is nothing funnier that a parody of a black woman especially if she is overweight, over 21, darker than a café au lait and has the audacity to have self confidence and exhibit sexuality in modern America. I am chuckling just thinking about Eddie Murphy’ new film “Norbit”. The onslaught of subway advertising has left the signature image of the film- a large black woman in a negligee happily squashing the movies anti-hero - etched in my brain. Finally, the public can see how we, black women, are literally keeping “our” men down. I am going to go way out on a creative limb and guess what this film is about and I hope your God that I am wrong. The woman on the poster has probably locked Norbit into a relationship that he is afraid to get out of. She keeps his balls in a jar in the kitchen next to a jar of used frying grease and recipes for fried chicken, macaroni and cheese and biscuits. Without his man orbs he is not free to pursue the many light skinned flaxen haired or even (a progressive liberal gasp) a white woman who surround him. Meanwhile we are subjected to full body shots of the fat wench who is his keeper. Hilarity abounds when fun is poked at an easy target from a voiceless and inconsequential demographic. It’s even better when the poker is from the supposed companion demographic. I love Hollywood and the way that only the crème de la crème of black culture gets its due. I also love how it strips me of my entertainment idols.

In fifth grade I did a report on Eddie Murphy. In 1985 it was not easy to find information on him in my local small town library but I managed to pull enough together to hand write a decent report. I was inspired by his then brief life story and was blown away by his talent as a performer on SNL. I begged my mom to take me to see Beverly Hills cop even though it was rated R for violence. I loved it. I used the signature theme music in my first and last ever gymnastics routine for gym class. Eddie was totally awesome! I imagined that if I became a comedian I would definitely try to transition from joking around on stage to starring in black white buddy cop pics with electronic soundtracks. It was so clear- The Beverly Hills Cop franchise, the 48 Hours franchise. Go Eddie, go! Delirious, Raw, both which seemed good at the time. Then I guess Disney bought him. Oh well, another cautionary tale.

The images of black women in film are depressing and often mean spirited. In many cases we have even been replaced by other women of color. Okay, fine, perhaps in the case of video “hoes”, this is better. Maybe not. But maybe there is something I can do, I will make my own revenge comedy. I know that this ribald comedy would never get produced even though it demeans everyone for a few cheap laughs and cleaves to and reinforces caustic stereotypes because the woman is the victor. Read on…

Premise

A black woman of means is being constantly courted by brothers of little means. Apparently she thinks that because it is 2007 and she is attractive, bright and ambitious she thinks she can be happy and date whomever she likes. The main brother, her man, is of little means and is a heinous stereotype of a black man- hyper-conceited, swaggering, on the DL, sees conspiracies against the black man everywhere, wears tight athletic clothing, has children he doesn’t take care of and is antifeminist (I will base him on my father). He holds her back in every way possible and embarrasses her daily with his lack of social graces. He is played by the lead black female in drag as no self respecting man would ever debase himself or his ilk in this way. It will also add the hilarity of the piece and save money. This man is desperate to keep this woman but he just can’t measure up and his tactics are both embarrassing and lame. In the end she deals him a scathing verbal blow decimating his character and in the end marries her non-black coworker and lives happily ever after. He on the other hand ends up with nothing, but we don’t care because he is the villain after all.

No? Not funny? Why not? Maybe the happily ever after part is too unbelievable. What if I add a scene where they do the “dozens” and someone whips off the main female’s weave? Still no? What if we make the main character the man and the villain the woman? Now that’s gold. I have an idea who can star in it.