Real TV for Women

Last night I watched the Oh! Network for the first time- and totally by accident. It was late. It was early morning hours of Halloween and I wanted to watch a decent non coed-slasher scary movie. After flipping through the dials and having my low brow senses assaulted by “entertainment” such as Dracula 3000 and Halloween XX I was delighted to see that the second installment of the Resident Evil Franchise was on. What real woman doesn’t love an ass kicking female protagonist? Generally I despise supermodels, or even minor models, turned actress but I can handle Milla J because she doesn’t try to tackle dialogue. She basically runs, jumps and delivers quick successions of blows to her CG opponents. The story aspect of the film is kept to a minimum. After watching for a few minutes a bubbly pink logo appeared at the bottom of the screen; I was watching the Oxygen network and didn’t even realize it.

I had always avoided Oh! figuring that since its only real competition was the Lifetime (TV for battered white women) Network the programming would be similar. Au contraire. During the commercial break in addition to scores of weight loss, yeast infection, lotion and birth control ads they ran a series of vignettes featuring local female comics explaining what do say and how to react to a bad kisser. They were quite funny and very realistic. I actually paid attention instead of muting the TV like I usually do. After the movie ended at 3am I was still unable to sleep so I lingered in front of the set to see what was on next. The next show began as normal, a nice looking young woman came on to a generic low budget talk show set. I assumed it was some kind of infomercial or a feed from HSN. My interest waned and I began to tidy up the room. It was way past my bedtime. I picked up some empty plates and glasses and took them to the kitchen. When I returned to finish cleaning off the coffee table I noticed that another young woman had come on the set and she was talking to the host about feeling les than comfortable buying certain items. Then a web address appeared at the bottom of the screen- www.shoperotic.com.

Well, well, well. The two women proceeded to pull out and candidly discuss the purchase and usage of various vibes, dongs, double dongs and strap-ons as if it were a Martha Stewart show on cake decorating. They knew their stuff. They even had a phone number for women to call if they wanted to speak only to female phone representatives and the host made frequent assurances about the discretion of item delivery. The prices were good, the merchandise top of the line (so I’ve heard…), the whole outfit was very impressive. Now, that’s TV for women.