PS Stop Killing Trees

In the past week I have been trying to rid myself of junk email. I have unsubscribed from the dozen or so websites that I authorized to send me updates because they send too much mail too often. How often does Sephora have to tell me about a new lip gloss? Do I need a Borders coupon everyday? Is the new Comedy Central line up really new? Do I care?

At least junk email is easily disposed of which is more than I can say for regular junk mail. This holiday season I have been inundated with junk snail mail from all sources. I regularly receive appeals to give my expendable income to stop no less than ten different ailments ranging from cancer to cleft lips. Daily I receive catalog from companies resembling upscale dollar stores who sell a variety of Chinese manufactured item destined for landfills. I even get free short term magazine subscriptions from periodicals who obviously do not know what demographic I occupy. To keep up the junk correspondence here is what I have to say to today's junk mail senders.

Dear Rolling Stone,
Your magazine is a rag which is why you are sending it to me for free after I ignored your offers of increasingly cheap subscriptions. The Led Zeppelin picture on the cover made me think it was a mis-delivery by the AARP monthly mag. I get them by accident sometimes.
PS I don't buy music, why would I buy a magazine about it? People read online now. Stop killing trees.

Dear Sarah Lawrence College,
The amount of money you have wasted on heavy jewel toned card stick printed with toxic ink is far greater than the amount of money I will give you, which is to say I will not give you any money. Your choice of stationary reminds me that you are doing fine. Next time send a postcard; it easier to recycle.
PS I am still paying off the student loans I had to take out after you cleverly cut my financial aid in my final year. People give online now. Stop killing trees.

Dear Hammecher Schle-whatever,
As much as I love looking at the ridiculous items in your catalog (Ipod dogs etc) I have yet to buy anything from you. Have you seen Sharper Image? Somebody is biting on somebody's style...
PS People shop online now. Stop killing trees


Dear WAMU,
Could the money you are squandering on surplus mailings and the staff that create them be used to increase the thin interest rate on my accounts?
PS People bank online now. Stop killing trees.